White pimp, bad credit

Well, the Credit MacDaddy isn’t technically in blackface. But the South evidently still has a ways to go.

Finland rocks No. 2

Bogart Co.’s “Every Time My Heart Turns Around,” featuring some of the finest pastel colors and mullets ever seen outside of a wrestling ring.

Super Bowl Hathos

Let’s go back to 1986, and the classic Hathos spawned by Super Bowl XX, a battle that gave us this bit of unforgettable ugliness:

… as well as this lesser-known–though no less horrible–song:

Before he knew it was a joke

William Shatner gives his stirring rendition of Harry Chapin’s “Taxi” on the “Dinah!” show.

Who’s the boss?

The cool acid-washed jeans. The Jersey-girl hair that sticks up in the front. The horrible keyboards that sound like they’re lifted from the Hit Parade of a former Eastern Bloc nation. The Italian hunk. I give you Alyssa Milano’s “Look In My Heart.”

A day of rest

This ain’t the right day for snark. Good luck, be safe and be wise, Barack H. Obama.

Department of questionable career moves

Joaquin Phoenix exited his career as an actor last year, hoping to join the ranks of successful white rappers like Eminem and, umm, Eminem. He made his debut appearance as a “rapper” Friday at a Las Vegas club, and, based on this evidence, I’m not exactly sure there’s going to be a market for what he’s selling. Or maybe he’s on some kind of surreal, brilliant Andy Kaufman-like comic trip….

Oh, and he fell off the stage, too.

I’m so confused.

Our long national nightmare is nearly over

A compilation of “Great Moments in Presidential Speeches” segments, from the Late Show with David Letterman.

You thought the Spice Girls were talentless?

It could’ve been worse. Witness the UK’s Vanilla, which got a major-label push and actually scored a minor British hit with this song in 1997. It’s almost enough to undo all the good the Beatles did.

Will tacky Obama merch save the economy?

Barack Obama is pledging to create millions of new jobs, and they’ll evidently all be in the Obama-crap-making industry. There’s Obama paraphernalia out there for every aspect of your life! Get out there and spend, people!

Undergarments!

(thong underwear)

(men’s bikini briefs)

Footwear!

(Trainers)

(Socks)

Sleepwear!

(“Ojamas”)

Accessories!

(earrings)

(belt)

(belt buckle)

Hygene!

(Shea butter soap)

(breath mints)

The bar!

(glow-in-the-dark wine stopper)

The home!

(shower curtain)

(nightlight)

(toilet paper)

The kitchen!

(obama java)

(cookies)

(hot sauce)

Toys and Games!

(jigsaw puzzle)

(plush toy)

(magnetic wardrobe)

(bop bag)

(action figure)

(baby doll)

“Collectables”!

(plates)

Those intimate moments!

(condoms)

(sex toy)

The office!

(broc-obama mouse pad)